Shall we date?
This post is motivated by readers letters published in theStar newspaper, Purple Sofa section. The readers (mainly young adults and youth) are encouraged to write in and air their views on any topic.
Well apparently a letter from a reader in US was published. The individual shared that the dating age of teens in US is 12-13, and the official 'have-been-kissed' age is 15. I take it that s/he didn't mean to condescend (i read part of the letter) but to highlight cultural differences in Malaysia and US with regards to boy girl relations. Since this is Malaysia, it invited all sort of reponses telling our dear friend not to judge our prudishness.
But the interesting here to note is that youths with strong religious upbringing, at least those who don't play double face with regards to religous matters, are not involved in a special relationship until very late (18-20+). There is also a common understanding that such special relationships imply serious relationships (that means with marriage in the picture and not out for a good time). Of course this is not to say that there will be those girly crushes, latest who-likes-who gossip and stuff like that. But all in all, they do not involve themselves exclusively with the member of the opposite sex.
A common reason they would cite is they want to put studies first. Granted.
However, past the age of puberty, a person experiences the urge to find happiness (this being understood in its widest possible way). And it is a common universal experience that proximity with the opposite gender will make us happy. Logically speaking then, if happiness is the purpose of life, the earlier you date, the more fulfilled you are. This is then why teens date early in some countries. However in countries where controls are stricter, we find that teens in general do not rebel against such structure-contrary to what the West would like us to believe. Such countries are countries where religion plays an important part in public and social life. Religion it seems, makes a person happy. Teenagers are usually the most fervent adherents of religion(provided that they sense that that religion is authentic). The upshot is that the religious nature of man can find and does find expression in romantic love.
In general of course the heat of adolescence does cool off and people gradually grow out of this dating game and settle down to stable relationships. But deep down inside, everyone longs for romance. And in places where religion is killed because of secular assumptions, it is also the places where romance plays such a big part in the search for a meaningful life that it has become commercialized. And it comes to a point where romance is made into religion. The easiest religion to be 'romanticized' of course is Christianity and the weakened form of it makes it wildly popular among youth.
Questions of meaning and significance play out in a adolescent's development with greater force that we give them credit for. Without religion to feed his/her soul, they turn to romance and to dating to fulfill them. But this is a poor substitute, for it involves attitudes (loyalty, unselfishness) that can only be cultivated in a religious environment. Attitudes that draw a person from within to focus on what it around him. Romance inherently drives a person to focus inward on how s/he is feeling. In modern society, teenagers are amongst the most angsty bunch of people. Devoid of religion and betrayed by romance, they only can become cynical and bitter adults. Cynical people improvish a soul of a nation. What ever is noble and great about a culture is killed by bitterness.
Well apparently a letter from a reader in US was published. The individual shared that the dating age of teens in US is 12-13, and the official 'have-been-kissed' age is 15. I take it that s/he didn't mean to condescend (i read part of the letter) but to highlight cultural differences in Malaysia and US with regards to boy girl relations. Since this is Malaysia, it invited all sort of reponses telling our dear friend not to judge our prudishness.
But the interesting here to note is that youths with strong religious upbringing, at least those who don't play double face with regards to religous matters, are not involved in a special relationship until very late (18-20+). There is also a common understanding that such special relationships imply serious relationships (that means with marriage in the picture and not out for a good time). Of course this is not to say that there will be those girly crushes, latest who-likes-who gossip and stuff like that. But all in all, they do not involve themselves exclusively with the member of the opposite sex.
A common reason they would cite is they want to put studies first. Granted.
However, past the age of puberty, a person experiences the urge to find happiness (this being understood in its widest possible way). And it is a common universal experience that proximity with the opposite gender will make us happy. Logically speaking then, if happiness is the purpose of life, the earlier you date, the more fulfilled you are. This is then why teens date early in some countries. However in countries where controls are stricter, we find that teens in general do not rebel against such structure-contrary to what the West would like us to believe. Such countries are countries where religion plays an important part in public and social life. Religion it seems, makes a person happy. Teenagers are usually the most fervent adherents of religion(provided that they sense that that religion is authentic). The upshot is that the religious nature of man can find and does find expression in romantic love.
In general of course the heat of adolescence does cool off and people gradually grow out of this dating game and settle down to stable relationships. But deep down inside, everyone longs for romance. And in places where religion is killed because of secular assumptions, it is also the places where romance plays such a big part in the search for a meaningful life that it has become commercialized. And it comes to a point where romance is made into religion. The easiest religion to be 'romanticized' of course is Christianity and the weakened form of it makes it wildly popular among youth.
Questions of meaning and significance play out in a adolescent's development with greater force that we give them credit for. Without religion to feed his/her soul, they turn to romance and to dating to fulfill them. But this is a poor substitute, for it involves attitudes (loyalty, unselfishness) that can only be cultivated in a religious environment. Attitudes that draw a person from within to focus on what it around him. Romance inherently drives a person to focus inward on how s/he is feeling. In modern society, teenagers are amongst the most angsty bunch of people. Devoid of religion and betrayed by romance, they only can become cynical and bitter adults. Cynical people improvish a soul of a nation. What ever is noble and great about a culture is killed by bitterness.
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on Friday, May 27, 2005 at 12:15 PM.
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