Thinking aloud

Boar's Head Tavern:'The matter is quite simple. The Bible is very easy to understand. But we Christians are a bunch of scheming swindlers. We pretend to be unable to understand it because we know very well that the minute we understand we are obliged to act accordingly. Take any words in the New Testament and forget everything except pledging yourself to act accordingly. My God, you will say, if I do that my whole life will be ruined. Herein lies the real place of Christian scholarship. Christian scholarship is the Church's prodigious invention to defend itself against the Bible, to ensure that we can continue to be good Christians without the Bible coming too close. Dreadful it is to fall into the hands of the living God. Yes, it is even dreadful to be alone with the New Testament.' -Soren Kierkegaard

Tough stuff. Honestly speaking, I'm no saint, and I know that sometimes, I can argue away the most blatant truths that are shouting at me under the carpet of sophistry.

Things to ponder about...heh..

Feeling horrible. Sore throat, mild fever, what else...

Absolutely not in a mood to do some serious work. But still have too. Sleepy, weak and tired, that's why I'm just going to study in my room.

...badly. Having sore throat right now. Irritating. Feels like a nail being stabbed there everytime i swallow. Aaah, well...

...lozenges...that's what I need.

Nothing much has been happening, except for the settling routine around my *holidays*.

Usually spend the mornings surfing around, playing computer and doing devotion...before

heading off to school to study...

and then returning back to my homely room.

That's my day in a nutshell.

Will sleep soon, not feeling too well.

KOTOR is crashing my computer so often that it just may kill it one day!

But anyway, if only it were more stable, then maybe I could enjoy it more. Sigh...nothing good is absolutely flawless..

Ok first thing to clarify...the previous post doesn't mean that I don't believe that we cannot know what is good or bad...(hey, if not how are we going to recognize temptation when it comes). It's just that sometimes, what we think is the good, may actually be not so good after all. It pays to second guess ourselves sometimes.

Been looking through Jeff Ooi's screenshots and the theStar online.

Seem that 'tis the season for suspensions...:P First Dato' Sothinathan and now the UMNO vice-president?

I'm no socio-political blogger, but on one hand, the powers that be are coming down hard on money politics, shoring up the image of UMNO (and BN) and hopefully gaining the public trust once again. But I was looking at the proceedings of Parliament posted on the screenshots website...and the way Dato' Nazri acted towards the end of the session (after the Q&A between the two deputy ministers) was really unbecoming...and to think that he is a minister. (by the way this really happens in parliament, and it's not the first time I think). Now this doesn't in general make news (one minister calling another 'racist'), but we know...at least I know and I know I'm not at all impressed with this behaviour. Reflects also on the political culture in M'sia yah?

I was actually alseep, but this thought came to mind and I absolutely must blog it down!

It seems that self-reflection isn't really helpful sometimes.

Are we who we are because of what other people think we are? Or are we what we think we are? More and more I begin to appreciate the former. It may seem enslaving, but sometimes what people think of us are the truest indicators of who we truly are inside. We maybe acting, but that's another issue all together.

For instance, we help a old lady cross the road, listen out for a friend in need of a ear, we feel geniunely concerned for our sick mother, and we act accordingly. But the sincerest people are not particularly self-aware of what they have done. They don't go around thinking to themself, "Now I'm a good person!". It's the same situation for bad deeds. No robber goes around saying, "Now I'm a bad person!" Anakin Skywalker or Darth Sidous didn't think to themselves," Haha, I'm Sith, therefore I am evil." A robber will probably feel remorse, but that's different from knowing that he is bad. The two anti-jedi may know that they are cruel, but will probably justify it away.

¹⁵"Beware of the ^(L)false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly are ^(M)ravenous wolves.

¹⁶"You will ^(N)know them by their fruits. Grapes are not gathered from thorn bushes nor figs from thistles, are they?

¹⁷"So ^(O)every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit.

¹⁸"A good tree cannot produce bad fruit, nor can a bad tree produce good fruit.."

(Matt 7:15-18, NASB).

Maybe one of the most insidous lies the devil ever seduced us with was that we can know what perfection is; what we lack is merely the power to achieve it. If we can show good faith, try our best, press on or what nots, it makes up for the shortcomings. I think that sin is more that taking away the power to do good, it is a corruption of our mind to even think of what is good!
So much for self-knowledge.

Growing spiritually or growing closer to God, can only mean that we put on more of Christs-likeness in our life. But it could hardly be described a process of 'understanding' to 'application' to 'experience'. It's more richer than that, sometimes even indiscribable in a narrative a.k.a 'testimony' that we give to 'edify'. It is a change from within, that we don't realize sometimes, but at the end of the day, gives a mild little surprise.

I would think that the moral choices that we make in overcoming temptation should not bring us to the conclusion that we are becoming better. There is nothing to conclude from our actions, we just do so. Let other people make the conclusions, even better, let the Holy Spirit make the conclusions.

No wonder Jesus said, " Let not your left hand know what your right hand is doing..."

So then in a sense we are not actors? We may think we are actors in that we act out socially accepted norms contrary to who we are inside, but then again, if we were our true selves, our true selves is horrible corrupted to begin with, I guess it being pretensious to think that inside, deep deep inside we are really nice people. But somehow, if we continue to act out a good image, maybe by that act of imitation, we are really slowly being changed?

It has been 5 months since I started blogging. I should read through all my posts again, one of this days, it would be therapeutic I think. I guess there are trends that rise up and show me who I was. Although I do delete posts, somehow they are never truly deleted...their ghosts rise up and infuse the latter posts. It's there, like a lingering spirit, never truly mourned for, never truly dead...

Aiyar...choi! choi!

Anyway, have been in a Star War-ish kind of mood, now I wanna do a Star War's fanfic. After the fiasco that was the prequel's, I want to write my own prequel of the Star War's franchise and of course rewrite the entire trilogy and beyond!!

Mwhaahahaha....

Woke up late today..very, very late. Am wondering why there are so many ant's in my room. Feeling like a total idiot right now. Lethargic, sien...

Brain in total dysfunction.

but...

On the happier side of things, sending Faith of to Perth. The chance to travel to the other end of Singapore should help refreshen my leadened mind.

There are words, but we speak them loudly;
These are times where the scarecrow grins;
We were mute, but now have voice;
The scarecrow laughs, and we hate him;

We were mute, and we looked for words;
Found some and parroted it from the sky;

Kuark, Kuark;
Noisy leh...

Beat down the scarecrow with a clod of clay;
Tear him, rip him, burn him up;
Ashes to ashes, and when the fires cool,
We found nothing, just soot and dust.

I'm in a crunch,
don't know what's for lunch,
looking for something to munch.
Feel like throwing a punch,
and it's really going to hurt a bunch!

Cheers!

Goodness, the most beautiful music ever composed must be Vocalise by Rachmaninoff. I want the score!

My brain is fried...but I still feel like going on. It's just soo exciting. Now the real meaty stuff, things all coming together. Disparate threads all stitched into a tapestry. Tired, and sleepy...sleeeeeeepy...but kenot sleep. Must go on....

It rained last night, and the thunder was really loud. Woke me up a few times. Well had another wierd dream. Was dreaming of a wedding (not mine!). Seems like those family feud kind of wedding drama, the bride's father doesn't want her to marry her true love and wants her to marry another, the secret marriage, the excitement of running about...You get the picture. :P

Anyway, another interesting thing was that this wedding was really lavish. It was held in an underground complex, with a clothing departemental story all bundled in with it. Anybody is invited, and they can just buy clothes as they come. Don't know how to describe it already.

I'm wierd...

the storyteller

This is a treat...The link above leads to Yasmin's Ahmad's blog, the director of Sepet, which I have not seen yet. But she's better known for her Petronas ads that feature during the festive seasons.

After velvet thursday? blue saturday?? I must be having some kind of fetish for colours.

*smacks mouth* shhh!!!

No, I'm not depressed lar. The sky was blue that's all, and the Gospel of Patch Adams reminded us all that we all should go out and touch one more person's life. Damn, why am I not Robin Williams?...such idealism.

Rained in the morning and had duck rice in the afternoon, piano was raped at night (I honestly feel sad for the grand piano having to endure my abusive playing). What a day indeed...

I will always remember the Eye. But I like this one better, it much neater and cleaner. The page loads correctly with Firefox only. IE is considered broken. (IE sucks!)

Can't believe is Thursday already...

Have this strange feeling that I've risen above time. It just doesn't feel like the days are turning into weeks. A strange floating sensation, like I'm drifting along.

I take it that reporters preferred to be recognized as journalists and not reporters. You don't call them barbers, they like being known as hairstylists.

I guess the same could be said of rubbish collectors, we should call them sanitary engineers.

What's in a name?

Hmm...we are all suckers for job titles that makes us feel that we are creative. Our job dabbles in new ideas, our job enables us to create.

So, for instance, I'm not just reporting the facts, I'm giving them meaning, giving a critique of society, informing the opinions of the masses.

I'm don't just cut hair, I am creating a lifestyle, a fashion statement, an image.

...

I don't just collect rubbish, I make sure the place is clean that's all.

???

Typing this from central. It's cold and noisy. The sound of the impact drill drives me nuts, it's almost like the guys trying to drill a hole in my head. Hey, that's cliche, but that's how it really feels. Anyway, if not for the math's that has already made one in my head, it's going to make it bigger.

Need to consolidate what I have learnt so far. And start doing excercises. The main things are modules, weyl's theorem and representations of sl(2,F). I'm just getting started on roots space decomposition.

*weyl's theorem is labourious, and the proof is hardly enlightening*

Here We Stand: Forgiveness

An excellent and insightful article on forgiveness.

Here's where I got it from:'In China, Christians are persecuted with beatings and imprisonment. In the West, Christians are persecuted by the words of other Christians.' -Brother Yun, Chinise Christian leader.

Interesting quote. Words can really hurt. That's why I promise myself that I'm going to be careful with what and how I say things.

Wow!, I stumbled upon another blog that has the same title as mine 'Thinking Aloud' and is a fellow undergrad from NUS. It's here.

Anyway, seems that they got a anntic chair already. So I won't be joining after all, sigh...what a bummer.

Well I deleted another post, about the math's education one...it was just too long, and well it's not mine but somebody elses one. Anyway, off to play some piano, hope to read more. Today Pastor Barnabas preached on guidance. Yeah in many ways what he talked about resonated alot with my own christian exprience.

So...seems that Anntic chair is gonna be a very real possibility. But still thinking about it. So, Kelvin, if your reading this, don't go leaping for joy yet, I'll tell you personally when we meet on the next meeting.

Cheers.

Power's back yay!

Typing this from the comfort of the room. My suspicions have been correct, the differences between Eastern and Western thought is not as how some people construe them to be. They have their differences, but they have similiarities as well. If we want to talk about theological contextualization, we better be more informed of what we are contextualizing into.

Typing this from the Comcen at Central Library. There's a power failure in hall. The first time in so long. I feel hopeless without electricity, need power...

Went swimming yesterday. Refreshing...Yeah, should get more excercise, especially when I have the time right now during the holidays.

It may seem that I am flagging in my consistency here. It's already Friday by the way. But look at it this way, the day doesn't end until I sleep and begins only when I wake up. So I must as well just consider it Thursday.

Finished my Pokemon game, beaten the highest boss. :P

But more importantly, finished the first draft of my epistole article.

For those that don't know what telos is, it's greek which translates into the general idea of purpose, goal, destination.

We all are suckers for direction. We could almost say that the human soul is enlarged by considering things in perspective from a distant telos. It gives us direction, turns our attention away from ourselves. Makes us noble and gives us dignity-provided that that telos is really something worth holding on too, hoping for and pursuing.

Dr. Loo in his talks (during LPC) enlarged on this theme, the role of a spiritual leader is to lead his flock to a goal: that goal being the glory of God and the final salvation of our souls.

Jesus himself told us not to worry about tomorrow. It is ironic that people who have no hope worry inscessantly about tomorrow, since there really is nothing to assure them that things will continue on as they always have been. This is manifest in the fear of change. But we have a glorious hope, an assured hope-the kingdom of God, of which we must seek first. It is this assurance that enables us to live one day at a time-the future certain for us.

The nation-states in South-East Asia are young, arising from the nationalism of our founding fathers. All of them are based on the premise of the right to self rule. It is neccesarily backward looking. Identity is defined by what has happened before. The only way to keep society together (and in fact a multi-racial one for that matter) is national development, which as time goes by, is defined more and more by the acquisition of wealth. This the manifest goal which guides the nation's leaders to lead a people towards. Even for religious states (like Malaysia) the destination is still a certain level of health and wealth (think Wawasan 2020). The official religion informs the nation's values which inform the way we should go about doing it. The question begging is whether health and wealth are ultimately worth pursiung.

Can it be that the slow settling dust, the dreariness of Malaysia's youth, (or their vibrant shallowness) and angst is a telling tale that they know, deep down inside that Wawasan 2020 is not worth pursuing. That deep deep inside they are tired out and wasted by pleasures that living in M'sia is becoming so steadily unbearable.

They say that (physically) dying people are also the most alive. I think its because they begin to realize that life is more that their possessions and their hearts are more set on eternity than ever before.

Finished A time for Mission, done some maths, and managed to evolve and catch some interesting pokemon.

Tomorrow going to see Dr. Tan. Heh...and then move on to newer stuff. Deeper stuff. Nothing seems to happen because literally the hall is empty. Except a few stuff on my mind. Now, the next assignment of course is epi. But no inspiration to write. How ler...

I lost a day and wasted hours in front of the computer playing Pokemon. Watched Desperate Housewives, Las Vegas and Frasier just now. What am I doing to myself!!??

Well, pretty poor effort for a post, but this will have to do for now. Tomorrow will be heading to the lib to study a little before going off to BB/GB campsite Serangoon to collect back my charger.

Yep, that's the title of the book that I bought at LPC. It's by Dr. Samuel Escobar who was a contributor in the Vision and Continuity handbook.

God is really teaching me a lot of missions these few weeks. Now I know why it's so important and how it really fits into the greater scheme of things. My thoughts and convictions are gradually being renewed even as He shows me more things.

But there's still a long way to go...so much to learn, so much to repent...

Christianity started out in Palestine as a fellowship; it moved to Greece and became a philosophy; it moved to Italy and became an institution; it moved to Europe and became a culture; it came to America and became an enterprise.

Sam Pascoe

LPC is finally over.

There is a certain sense of emptiness again. I guess I better start getting aquainted with it.

Won't be updating this few days...LPC. Too tired to update. Chiao. In the words of Terminator:

"I'll be back!"