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Thinking aloud

Where are you going?

Junk food...

Monday, February 28, 2005
I hat exco meetings because of the junk food they offer. I ate so much that I couldn't have a proper dinner. That's why they say that eating chocolates before dinner makes you loose your apetite. It's just so true. Hate it!!!

Now my tummy is rumbling and I don't feel well. I'll sleep early and everything will be better in the morning...

wait...

still have differential geom to finish. Haih...

Bought Cry, the beloved country by Alan Paton today. Will blog about it some other time.

Butterflies and Wheels

I undertook a morality quiz coutesy of a link Lydia gave me.

Want to give it a shot?

Music of the night

Sunday, February 27, 2005
I feel really awesome!

Haha...dunno why. But I don't think you would see me with a beaming smile when I walk into the dining hall for breakfast tomorrow. Dawn shared about what's been happening at home. I really don't know how to answer and when I said, "how can we pray for you."

She said:" I don't know."

I think I said something wrong.

Well anyway, I'll try my best to be a good brother-in-christ to her. Pastor said that identifying with the hurts and pains of our brethren constitutes the deepest level of fellowship. I am struggling to reach that position. Only God can help us all.

But I still feel awesome...hahaha...

Of canteens airconditioned or otherwise

It's interesting to note that after the renovation on the airconditioned canteen in PGP, business there has been steadily increasing. For instance the Asian Delights store is popular and indeed I find the food really tasty. Try out the Pork BBQ slices, excellent!

In contrast, the food at the non aircon court seems bland now. Guess I'm getting tired of the same old food all the time.

But if you take a closer look at the demographics of the patrons, more 'ang moh's' prefer the aircon place compared to the nonaircon. I guess, ambience counts for the westerners alot. The airconditioned place has some snazzy decor while the non-aircon place just looks like some hawker center.

White lies, black comedy

Saturday, February 26, 2005
Went for Sheares hall's production, white lies, black comedy. A total experience, belly rolling good fun. Paid a good $14 for it and it was worth it. I get really jealous of these English people, their playwrights are just so witty and humour. Irony is employed to the full here. And the twists just make it really enjoyable.

Several actors stand out, Don, Francis and Lindy. They really are in 'it'. Truly casted excellently and well acted. My really liked Don, acting as the musician Tom in White Lies and the slightly effeminate Harold. IMHO he was the best.

Bareful in the Park was also witty, and I enjoy acting in witty plays.

Statistics

Hehe, I broke the 1000 visits mark. Let's see, how long did I take? since Jan 30th until now. So that like 28 days right? Around 37.5 people in one day visits my blog. (of course I got a little help from blogclicker and blogexchange)

Now let's see how long will I take to break 5000. So what happens when I break 5000? Dunno, probably will celebrate at Genki... Anyone interested.

Now I ask myself an interesting question? Is my blog going to be personal where I dump down my feelings and thoughts of the day or is it going to be where I dump down my opinions?

Quote and brainstorm

Two great European narcotics, alcohol and Christianity. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche.

I don't know whether if Nietzsche had lived at this age, would he have said the same thing. If I had a time machine and had travelled back to the past and met him, I doubt I would have any answer to give to him either.

But what he said didn't just come out of nowhere. There was a culture in which he was steeped in, a culture where people considered Christianity a heritage to which they were born into. Much like the race to which they were born into. All that was radical about Christianity was gone or reinterpreted away.

At that time, under the weight of a biblical criticism that denied the miraculous, Christianity became what we now call in modern days, religion. It became a source of myth and bedtime stories and a charter of personal morality. Talk about God, spirituality and eternal life were just 'upper story' experiences.

If that is what Christianity is perceived to be at that time, then it comes to no surprise that Nietsche said what he said, including the famous, 'God is dead'.

Christianity as a system of thought which encourages an 'escape' into 'heaven' will suffer at the hands of Nietsche's peircing thought. If he compares Christianity to a gentleman's drink, a social thing, then somewhere, Christ has been mystified, made into a ghost and relegated to an Platonic eternal.

Or in the worse form, either Christianity dulls us from real world problems or becomes a prison. Neitsche was reacting against this prison of morality that a Christian heritage had build into European culture, a morality without a reason, a morality that made people into hypocrites, a man less a man because he was hiding. Neitsche claimed that he was hiding from his inherent freedom.

When a person like Neitzsche says the things he says, he is not philosophizing from the standpoint of a scholar, but a participant in life. He is afloat in life, looking upon it from within, feeling the 'newness of freedom' from being saved from a repressive Christianity and finding only the human will as a definen's of humanness. It is a wintry position to be in, one feels uncomfortable but needs to move on from here.

There are many consequences of Neitszche's thinking, but one particularly stands out. Because he is reasoning as a participant in life, concepts that he critques he reduces it as manifestations of social concepts. For instance: morally good ---> a product of resentment, guilt ----> denial of natural inclinations, punishment ----> contractual satisfaction of creditor and debtor, clergy ----> a group of weak people dominating weaker people for the illusion of power.

This style of reasoning is very influential and persuasive today. It is used in black studies, literary studies, post-colonial studies and history. The usual targets of attack are: the government, religion, homophobia, metaphysics, etc. This 'reductionism' preys of our sense of security and fear of betrayal. Ultimately the objective of this reasoning is to force the agenda of change rather than to truly understand. It is not sociology as such although it concerns itself with society but the concern is with change-not change with a direction towards, but change from. It is a message of salvation for the secular man.

Response and counter response...

Friday, February 25, 2005
3) Brian McLaren: Chuck Colson's Response

2) Brian McLaren: An Open Letter to Chuck Colson

1) The Postmodern Crackup - Christianity Today Magazine

I just placed it up here so that we can see the Christian spirit in debate. Anyway, it's a good exercise to see how people argue and response.

Bebop, bebop, bebop...

my cowboy bebop theme song is go go cactus man

what's your cowboy bebop theme song?


How I just hate personality quizzes.

What's wrong with my tagboard?

Thursday, February 24, 2005
Yeah, what the hell's wrong with my tagboard. :(

This is so irritating, and I thought that Firefox would be the end of my page loading problems. Apparently nothing is perfect.

Anyway, I honestly felt that the discussion on evangelicalism and interdenominationalism scraped the surface of the issues involved. Not that I really am in the know of such issues.

But the brute fact is the lack of education of which reading plays an important part. If the council does not read, how would you expect them to get aquainted with issues? The lack of awareness of this issues will show in the shallowness of opinions expressed and lack of understanding in the the history of denominations or evangelicalism.

It certainly doesn't help that the wrap up was filled with the sort of "two positions and find a middle way" kind of conclusion. That does not spur deep thinking.

In the case of evangelicalism: I would have asked the questions: What is the history behind the movement? Why evangelical? What are the core values? Today, is it a necessary distinctive?

In the case of interdenominationalism: Why denominations? Are we interdenominational? Why or why not? Does interdenominationalism entail a weakening of strictness in reading the bible? What practices or culture in CF reflects this distinctive?

For me personally at least, evangelicalism relates to the fact that God who is above history has spoken in history. It relates to the authority of the word over the created order. It relates ultimately to obedience.

Interdenominationalism would relate to unity and to the nature of unity within the community of believers. Is total agreement unity? Is tolerance unity? Is "live and let live" unity? I would tend to think that unity relates to how we should passionately seek friendship despite passionately holding on to convictions.

That's all for now, tomorrow is another long day. Zzzz.....

Completed Partially

Hi, I am going to indulge myself in mathematical banter...

1) If you recall I posted some thoughts on the ideas to solve my Field Theory tutorials. Seems that I was of on the wrong track to begin with. The problem of determining the F-isomorphism of a extension F(u_1,....,u_r) can be reduced to the case of the simple extension F(u_1) -> F(v_1). Obviously the isomorphism is totally determined by the image u_1 under the mapping, which must be its conjugate. We can then 'move one level higher', by extending the isomorphism to F(u_1,u_2), which contains F(u_1) . Again, the mapping is determined fully by the image of u_2 and so on.

So in general we can map F(u_1,...u_i) -> F(v_1,....,v_i) recursively like this. F-> F is the identity map.

sigma_r ( sum[ a_i*u^i]) = sum[ sigma_r-1(a_i) * v^i]. It is easy to see now that the F-isomorphism is totally determined by the images of u_1...u_r alone.

2) The part on where an F-automorphism permuted the roots of the minimal polynomial is quite easy to see, but I don't really know how to put it down in words. Shall continue to think about it.

3) I proved that the fixed field of a subset, S of Aut (E) is the same that of its generated subgroup. That's easy to show, but a totally non-trivial observation.

4) I still don't know how to determine all the F-automorphisms of a transcendental extension.

and....

5) I can't show that the real numbers only has one automorphism..i.e. the identity.

Sweet dreams

Just one last post before I turn in for the night...

Finished off my cz lab. Going to hand it up tomorrow and then stick in the lib until I get some divine inspiration to finish my Field Theory. I must finish it before I go for council meeting.

Go check out Micheal Spencer's..for those Christians who come across my blog, he has something important written there about language.

Road and paths...

Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Aaaah, went for my long neglected evening walk. Felt happier with myself because of the fresh air. Ever since I began blogging, I haven't gone for a single evening stroll. I don't know why, but after dinner and a bath, here I am having something to write about. Of course its not as trivial as blogging down my walk.

I was preparing devotions for subcouncil last night and wrote down several paragraphs of how I had (to my perception) been a lousy vice-chair. I think I am; didn't achieve much during the whole semester. Upon looking back on my vision at the beginning of the sem and after what I wrote to the chairpersons at the beginning of them semester, I must admit I had changed my views a lot. That's just a nice way of saying that I was a little confused of what I was aiming to achieve. Whether that works out for good or for bad is for God to show me ultimately, right now I reserve my judgement.

I am still debating whether or not to admit that to the sub-council.

On the other hand I am really curious of how the chairpersons percieve me. Do they think I'm lazy, a hypocrite, a loud-mouth, a bossy fellow or just and angry chair? I really want to know, but don't have the guts and thick skin to just say it out. Honestly reflecting back upon the year, I wonder to myself how much of what I have shared during sub-councils have actually impacted and benefitted the chairpersons. I really can't tell from the way things are going.

But I do realize something, I have utilized my position to potray myself as a teacher as compared to a leader. Hmm....I guess it's my natural tendency.

Dear Lord,

I pray that you will continue to break me down to be a better leader. I just want to serve my chairpersons in the best way I can. But often times there are so many distractions and obligations elsewhere that I get confused and tired out. I honestly admit that I have neglected KR alot. But I hope to do better next month. Just pray dear lord that you will forgive me for such neglect.

Any person needs a sense of achievement and sometimes honestly I don't feel that I have achieved anything tangible. Don't tell me about 'having faith' or 'spiritual successes' or stuff like that...I just need a lampost that will tell me that I'm doing the right thing.

Alarm clock

That's really strange, my alarm didn't go off today. This is so irritating, now my schedule has to be reset. Argghh...feeling lazy all over again.

The internal and external

Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Just finished cg just now. Don't think I will be going down to paste the posters, too tired. But then, I better get sub-council devotions done tonight. Tomorrow will probably heading down to campus to paste posters. I'll wake up early for breakfast to do that. Targets are science, engin and arts. I'll leave hall and bizad for Nestor. Then come back to do CZ lab, lunch and continue on outstanding tutorials: Field Theory and Discete Optimization. Choir practise at night and then i'll call it a day.

Have been thinking about what constitutes the internal as opposed to the external. There is a rising awareness of the sociopolitical impacts of the gospel, or rather how the gospel itself is inherently political. Usually the way this message is brough across is by contrasting it against a traditional intepretation of 'internal conversion'.

I wonder what exactly is meant by the 'internal conversion'? How did this term come up? What is the history behind this phrase? From what I can see and read, there is a lot of obscurity and dust that covers the question:"What is the good news that Jesus taught?"

I have since distanced myself from an intepretation of the good news that pits it as a religion of faith as opposed to a religion of works. The vision of the gospel viewed through the lens of the Reformation may be a little restrictive sometimes. From what I read and see, the good news is increasingly intepreted as a story: a story of one man's (Jesus) continued mission into a fallen world.

Amazingly all these questions arose from the prodding of relevance. I guess when people under the conviction of the Holy Spirit became uncomfortable with Christianity, they start to think.

When I was growing up in secondary school, I would hear youth preachers talk about the coming revival. I believe they are right. They are prophetic in a sense: there is the rising spray of fresh waves. It is not apparent now, but it is coming and will come; but not in a way that we all would expect it. When revival comes, christians from all across denominations will be utterly surprised at God's hand; and then the 'powers' will have to take note.

We are in for some exciting times...

What happened?

Well, today was kind of slow for me. Graph Theory is down (yay!) and so is part of my Field Theory Tutorial. The only problem outstanding now is the description of all F-automorphisms of the rational field, F(x) and why the identity is the only automorphism on the field of real numbers. I hope to improve on my proof of why F-isomorphisms on F(x_1,...,x_r) are completely determined by the images of x_i's. My current reasoning seems rather hand waving.

My idea was to search for extra roots in the closure field of F so that I could contruct a irreducible polynomial in F[X]. I just need to find a way of searching for those extra roots and then I will be done.

Have CG later and later tonight going out to paste posters.

With the extra traffic I guess I need to be more sensitive and careful in what I post up here. I just hate rude and offensive comments appended to my posts. But I welcome anybody who drops by of course.

Quote of the Day

Monday, February 21, 2005
I found to this quote just now on some person's blog. It's by Simone de Beauvior, the french feminist and philosopher.

One is not born, but rather becomes a woman

I must say, this is a quote of the day because there is some really deep ideas going around here. And I happen to think also if you substitute man for woman in the quote, you'll not get the whole inteded meaning.

Marriage, Distilled

Marriage, Distilled

"You know," I tell my wife, "I wish you'd get off my ass and recognize that we have different ways of doing things."

"You're right," she shoots back. "I do them the right way, and you do them the wrong way."


Found this joke on some one's website. Women...

Sundays are lazy days!

Sunday, February 20, 2005
Yeah, Joshua argrees. Sundays are bad for productivity. I woke up today to a bad headache. I slept very late. Was excited, couldn't sleep until 2 in the morning. Well then after clearing my eyes, surfed, played diablo and went to church, had lunch and slept like a log until now.

Just finished looking through Holocaust Museum website. Very scary and very disheartening, what one human being could do another all because of one man's evil vision. But the true horror, as in all tragedies be it big or small is that nobody stood up united against the tide of evil until it was too late. (3 million dead is too late, no matter how you look at it, thank God it wasn't worse).

Sigh...should I do work today? Going out tomorrow for the whole day that's for sure. But I don't feel like it, it's Sunday after all.

Diablo vs Baal vs Duriel

I dunno, it seems to me that while Baal is the final boss of the entire game, he should be the toughest. But surprisingly I didn't die once while fighting him. Sure his attacks are vicious, but are just flashy. In comparison, Duriel's Holy Freeze coupled with his charge attacks are really deadly. And comparitively, Diablo's Lightning attack is powerful, effective and the visual representation of it makes you nod, "This is really the Lord of Terror."

I defeated Andariel using Teeth, of all things. Duriel using Bone spear and Bone Walls. Mephisto by exploiting the AI flaw, using Bone spear and Diablo using Bone spear. Baal was defeated using Bone Spirit.

A chapter of my life comes to a close. I know that I am shallow.

Autism

Saturday, February 19, 2005
Guardian Unlimited | The Guardian | A genius explains

A nice heartwarming article about this guy named Tammet. Don't know why, but I have this strange fascination for autistic people. May be due to their amazing abilities.

Don't trust Personality Quizzes

playboy
You are a Playboy. You perv.


What kind of Sixties Person are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

On the other hand, if I was born then...you'll never know

Infidelity

The Star Online: Lifestyle

The Malaysian newspaper ran an interesting article on infidelity today. Towards the end it collated differing opinions from women concerning the issue.

This I guess is nothing new, I've been reading about this social phenomenon in women's mags for quite sometime already. Commentaries on this issue usually pinpoint the cause to the economic independance of women, education and gender equality.
It usually ties in with the women getting tired with their man, or something to that effect.

Not that there is no merit in this observation-it does provide an explanation. But if that's all there is to the issue, then I can't see where morality comes into the picture. But being the national paper, the editors would like the issue to be analyzed from a purely sociological point of view-I take it to mean that it would be the most 'fair' and objective stance?

I would seem to think that in Malaysia, the general public views divorce and infidelity not so much moral problems as much as they are problems in the sense that people are hurt by it. Since hurt people cannot function at their best, I guess it would mean that the underlying understanding is that a solution would involve accepting the reality (the reality of divorce and infidelity) and find ways to cope with the hurt caused by it (which of course is real- doesn't matter wheter you believe is 'right' or 'wrong').

I've noticed that in the artile, the keyword is culturally acceptable. To the editors (and writers) their official opinion I take it would be that relationships(BGR, husband and wife, etc.) are all just 'culture'?

Blogsphere and exposure

Friday, February 18, 2005
Ever since I have been introduced to the concept of blogging and started browsing other people's blogs, I have come into contact with the concept of 'emerging' church. It sort of piqued my interest and I started checking it out. It seems, as to my understanding that 'emerging' church is a movement of sorts that seeks to challenge traditional church structures because it is precieved that the old way of 'doing church' is not being relevant to the times. Hence a need to be more open to what the world is saying and stuff like that...

I don't really have any argument with that idea. Still exploring the whole thing. It seems that through this exposure that God has been really teaching me things about what the church is. I have been much influenced by a series of lectures by Bishop NT Wright given at the emergent movement convention. It struck a chord with me and opened up my eyes to the relation between missions and the church life. It is in this vien that I penned down my letter to all the hall chairpersons. I have added a new vocabulary to my understanding of the eternal things: The Kingdom of God.

I could assume that most of you are probably lost already...sorry.

These are exiting times for me. I really learnt a lot through browsing through Ps. Sivin Kit's blogsite and taking his links to other people's blogs. They seems to strike a chord with me. Now I know that I'm not the only person who is actively questioning the doctrines that I have been brought up with. Especially the site Internetmonk.com, while I may not agree with everything- it is refreshing to see how people think anew again.

In fact, I have learnt more about my childhood faith here in Singapore than my teenage life in Malaysia. It is interesting note that the only way to learn how to swim is by near drowning. There is so much that I have learnt from people like John, Raj and Clement. So much I learnt from Gabriel and his readings during council meets. And certainly so much learnt from working in EXCO and by reading.

I have since come to realize that knowledge comes only from experiencing.

To remind myself, and for anyone who wants to pray for me

Thursday, February 17, 2005
The thursday after the midterm break will see me facing three CA's back to back, 8-10, 12-2 and 2.30-3.30. May the Lord have mercy on me, and idiot!!

1) Field Theory. (In bad shape, my finite fields are goner, and I'm not that much clearer on algebraic closure.)
2) 3D-Differential Geometry. (quite Ok, but my experiences with this lecturer is that he has many tricks up his sleeve)
3) Genes and Society ( my first biology related course since form 5, 'nuff said).

On the interesting side of things, I just read that there always at least one cyclone occuring in the world at any given time. This metrological fact is due to a mathematical fact. Don't believe me? Go to Google.com and type hairy ball theorem in the search field.

Now, off to do some serious work.

It's a late post

I feel extra productive, notwithstanding that I have yet to hand up my Field Theory homework. That's a big lazy me acting up again. But the wonderful thing about today is learning about DNA sequencing. The idea behind it is really ingenious. Now I begin to understand why some people are really into the life sciences.

(Of course that cannot compare with chasing field homomorphism diagrams :P)

Did some LPC stuff today. Feel quite bad about leaving out Sue-Anne in the planning. But she seems often "tired" like that and I really didn't want to bother her with the stuff like that. I don't know, that terrible of me to think about my exco member like that. But anyway sent her and email detailing her about the idea behind the worship sessions. Anyway, BB/GB campsite looks out of the picture because its expensive and out of the way. Besides its booked.

Have been reading some interesting stuff on biblical inerrancy. Check it out here and the counter reply here. Of course I noticed the post on Purpose Driven Sex Life and couldn't resist checking it out. Naughty!

Listening to some baroque playing on 92.4 FM. I've noticed that I have found so many friends in Singapore who enjoy classical music like I do for instance Faith and Qi Han. I guess we enjoy it because it is music like any other. Beautiful melodies and tunes that make you go "now why didn't I think of that".

Wow. Blogging is like having a one-sided conversation with myself. Wouldn't it be nice if I could have a conversation with you?

Broken Arrow

Wednesday, February 16, 2005
I'm feeling like a broken arrow now. Supposed to hit the target but broke midway and came crashing.

My mind just won't work. Is it because of the things I need to do (there's so much of it to worry) or the new year mood still haven't rubbed off yet.

Was at Discrete Optimization and felt like a first year in a graduate class. This is bullsh*t. What am I doing!! The thing supposed to be easy and I can't grasp it yet. Same thing for field theory, finite fields only wor...how come cannot do tutorial wan!!

Worry. Really feeling like the mid sem break won't be enough to catch up.

It's true you know, the solution to stress isn't more rest, it's having some one to mesh into after a hard days work. Being lonely in itself adds to the stress.

Melancholia and humour

My postings have been dark lately. Must find something happier to blog about, i'm sure there is but I find hard to find. Maybe the things that are less dark don't seem significant enough to be blogged down, but that's just taking myself too seriously.

I think I can put down my finger onto why I am feeling down for the past few days, might be because of the temporary homesickness. Hmm...probably.

Two major things today:

1) Field Theory
2) Discrete Opt

All I need to do is just to understand the proofs of the finite field, then I should be ok.

Good morning dear readers!!

Tuesday, February 15, 2005
There are times when things happening in VCF really frustrate me. It's like having-a-cake-and-not-able-to-eat-it kind of situation. You want to blame-also-cannot; point finger won't help things.

All around I see people getting busier. And inside this business I see two kinds of responses. There are people who are trying very hard to go on, to maintain the attitude of faithful service and still have that conviction going on, and those who just have "lost it".

I don't really know how to respond to excuses. The thing may small and minor, but it really tells me a lot about what's happening behind the excuses. Or else I am overly sensitive.

There is something "wrong" in VCF, but I can't put my finger on it. How I hate it.

Yah, and by the way, good morning people.

Magic Books, Grocery Lists and Silent Messiahs

Monday, February 14, 2005
Michael Spencer: Magic Books, Grocery Lists and Silent Messiahs: How rightly approaching the Bible shapes the entire Christian Life.

Excellent read. Wholeheartedly recommend to anybody who wants to go deeper into scripture than ever before.

This day

I would think that today was pretty productive, although i didn't even touch even a little of my work due TOMORROW!! What am I thinking! I just don't know. That feeling of sienness just sat in and...

I am definately running away

Going out later to PGP at 900. I should be doing my homework. I'm just using ministry as an excuse, this is so sucky. Hish. Okay I'll list down the things that needs to be done by tomorrow.

1) Diff Geometry Tut 4
2) Tutorial for CZ
3) Graph Theory Tut 3
4) Prepare for Hui Zhi's CG

Which reminds me that I have to go for 600 pm tutorial session tomorrow. I mean there's so much things to do that I am going TO DIE!!

I hate myself sometimes, sigh...what's wrong with me nowadays. Things are not getting better.

Feel like blasting music today. What the heck!

He is risen!!

Luke 24:4-8

While they were wondering about his, suddenly two men in clothes that gleamed like lightning stood beside them. In their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, " Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you. while he was still with you in Galilee: 'The Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, be crucified and on the third day be raised again. ' " Then they remembered his words.

Our risen Lord! Because he lives, I can face tomorrow. This is the reason for the hope I have in Christ. By his death on the cross, the punishment for sin is satisfied and by his resurrection we are assured that his act of righteousness is effective. Jesus has really triumphed over death, the curse of sin. The finality of death has been reversed, no longer do we need to fear tyrants and despots, Christ has triumphed even over their last weapon of resort. Now we who are in Christ need not tremble at the prospect of judgement day, our hearts are no longer burdered with the guilt and shame. But because he lives, our despair has been taken away and we are assured that our sins have truly been paid for.

But the fact of the risen Lord is something I sometimes find hard to accept at face value, even the godly women who were at the grave were confused and only an encouter with the angels finally cleared up thier confusion. For now, we have the Holy Spirit who ministers to us, clearing up our confusion about Jesus and forcing us to look plainly at this fact in history: Here is one man who has risen from the grave, triumphing over the greatest injustice of his time. What am I going to do with it? If I am searching for God, then I must listen to his and to the entire stretch of history behind him. If I looking for an answer to my struggle with sin and punishment, I have found my solution and my only response is to worship. Hallelujah!

Explaining the links

Sunday, February 13, 2005
Some new links I've put on my sidebar. Bible Lessons are a link to a walk-through-the-bible teaching series by Craig Koester, Professor of New Testament in Luther Seminary.

Michael Spencer's thoughts is a link to a blog by the title namesake. His posts are essays concerning issues arising in Christianity. I visit it for resources mainly.

I use Bible Gateway.com as a concordance. Ps Sivin Kit is a pastor that come's rather frequently for my chapel service last time in secondary school. His blog has links to many interesting sites that I find very useful. That's why I link it to my blog.

I'm back from across the Irish sea

No, the title's just to draw attention :P I didn't go to Ireland during the break nor have I ever been to Ireland in my entire life.

But I've seen pics of the country, and it's a BEAUTIFUL place to be.

Yes, I'm back here in Singapore already, back to work, sleep and work. So a first note to myself.

1) Get the SSL done at the RO tomorrow.
2) Updates from Jay and Vincent.

I just realized of the lack of photo's in my blog. That's because I lack a camera. I should really consider investing in one. Hmmm...hint hint for my birthday. :P Or anybody wanting to sell theirs second hand.

Will blog later in the day, have some ideas pending.

Love

Friday, February 11, 2005
Found this in a yellow paged book somewhere in the hidden corners of my house. Was actually debating with myself whether or not to put this up.

Love is real. It may be responded to. We can know it. It affects us when we have it or fail to have it. Love is not a metaphysical entity; it is a mental attitude. It is not just infauation; it is a relationship with substance. It is not just romance but it induces and promotes romance in its true meaning. It is not just an instinctive desire for reproduction. Yet it would tend to lead to reproduction. It is certainly not just sexual desire. Yet it will move in the direction of expressing itself in sexual relationships witht he person loved. It is not just a mental fact or emotion. Yet it operates in the mental and emotional nature of persons. It is not just human relationships but it is a special kind of human relationship. It is not just togetherness, but it fosters togetherness. It is not just sympathy, but it cares for the person involved. It is not just empathy, but it practices empathy. It is not devotion to an ideal. It involves ideals but they are always related to persons...

Quite a frank depiction of what love is IMHO, but ultimately correct.

Haunting questions

More things to ponder

1) If the church is called to be missionary, certainly that includes the mission to the universities, secondary schools and institutions of learning. The question is whether drawing students out from their universities to participate in church programmes is a way of being a witness or going into the campuses constitutes a better witness?
2) Related to that, since currently, the campuses are already witnessed to by para church groups, does this mean that ultimately the para-church group must prepare and mature students in such a way so that para church groups become redundant and dispensable?
3) And related to that, what is the true purpose of any student work in campus? A witness? As a plotform for interdenominational bonding? A training school?
4) Let's say that denominations did not exists, does this mean that student work is redundant? (after all, since churches are not denominationally separated, any outreach by a local church can't really alienate other believers from another church along doctrinal lines)
5) Why is the church neglecting campus work, where they certainly ought to be.
6) Why does Uliang have so many questions to ask.

Have some questions for Him, but will He answer me?

Thursday, February 10, 2005
Prof Koh stressed two things that make a good researcher. Problem solving skills and the ability to ask good questions. I suck at both, but i'll ask the questions anyway.

1) Why is so HOT in KL?
2) How is it possible that the same God that hung on the cross instructed his people to commit genocide 1000 years earlier?
3) The church is called to engage the world, yet we simply just can't legislate our country into Christiandom. How does this work out?
4) What possessed me to come to Singapore, study maths when all the while I could be staying in Malaysia, having a simple life and having less things to worry about.
5) Why are they so many versions of what Christianity is? Which one is the one? Especially when "relevance" became trendy in Christian circles today.


Characters in the story of my life

This post might be a little out of point at this moment in time, but I must admit that I am getting a little dry on ideas here in blogsphere. But never mind, in case I use some of these names, you might know a little how they are related to me.

First my parents, Tang Hock Men and Phoon Yoke Meng.

My siblings, the quiet Zhi Yong and the girlishly Zhi Zheng. Cousins: Shu Yin, Jian Qi, Jian Xin, Darren, Daryl, Chloe and many others la...some of them I can't keep up with the names also.

Friends that I know in church, Ee Yin, Ee Wan, Daniel, Joyce, Noel, Joel, Meng Ching, Ai Nah, Ah Mok, Andrew and many others la...sorry can't remember all your names.

Friends that I knew from secondary school (can't remember those from primary school already). Kwok Mun, Suresh.

Friends from MBSSKLCF: Benard, Joel, Ying Khai, Woon Kim (wonder what happen to him), William and the rest of the jokers.

Classmates in Form 6, Kok Lim, Vijaye, Pooi Chin, Boon Keat, Cheah Hooi...

And finally coming to university days, those in first year CF: John Tey, Siaw May, Raj, May Yin, Adam, Jaime, Marie and Song En. Those in second year CF: Joshua(the roommate), Amelia, Hui Zhi, Kelly, Lydia, Reginal, Maureen, Yeo Huan, Faith and Robin. Those in third year CF: Ling Yin, Annie and Siew Jin, Joanna, Danson, Dawn and Jasmine.


What list is complete without HALLPLAY!! From first year Hall play cast: Hui Ling (the director). From second year Hall play cast: Manasi (director cum lead actress), Anirudh, Abey, Vila, Pacey and Shao Chong (you guys rawk!) and third year Hall play cast: Eunice, Ade, Ian, Balaji, Jia En and the rest...

Not forgetting those people in EXCO 04/05: Paul, Vincent (and his man bag), Brian, Qi Han, Gloria, Deborah, Mark, Sue-Ann and Joanne. No EXCO is complete with our dearly beloved staffworker: Yvonne.

Some of them you can see on the links to their blogs on my sidebar.

It's really nice to remember all those people especially during this time of the year.



More Brainstorming Mr. Watson

Wednesday, February 09, 2005
It seems that Sherlock Holmes is not in the office and the assingment is left with Watson. Yeah poor presuptous Mr. Watson, hoping to fill in for the great detective.

It's just me and my big inflated intellectual ego. Yeah, my so called critique (or comment or writeup) on Pomo might be just going down to the drain. Need more time to sort out what am I really trying to say. What issue am I really trying to address?

So probably you'll see more of this type of posts in the future until my thoughts get sorted out.

I almost got drunk

I had four swigs of red wine last nite for reunion dinner. My face became red and started talking like a drunk. I was really tipsy that time already, but my mind was still sharp. Just me and my parents there at the table and we talked about stuff.

My head was swimming later, but i managed diablo (horrible experience, my brother didn't get the latest updates) and watched Spidey 1 with my siblings later before turning in for the night. Suprisingly couldn't sleep. Was thinking about all the things that could be better in hall cf, exco and my non-existent love life.

Happy CNY people...the tv's on and new year songs are playing.

Inherited abnormality.

Tuesday, February 08, 2005
I just found out something interesting today from my mother. Apparently I have inherited some genetic defect from my father's side of the family. So that means my father, my grandfather and all my siblings have it.

Whenever we sleep, it seems our leg nerves fire off causing it to jerk in intervals. This causes us not to have a deep sleep. In fact we are all very light sleepers. The downside to this is that during the day time, we just nod off whenever things are a little slow and boring (e.g. boring sermons, boring lecturers and after-lunch-naps).

Hey, this is so true for me. Sometimes during the night, I will just wake up because my legs jerk. Usually interrupting a nice dream (drats...) and I always have this irrisistible urge to sleep in the sultry afternoons. Now I know why...

Can any medics out there tell me what condition this is. According to my mother there is nothing I can do about it. (not that I want to do anything about it)

Princess Mononoke

My sister is watching the abovementioned anime. And I'll think I'll rush over to join her. It a really powerful story of life and death, nature and man. As always, in Mizaki's films capture the heart and imagination. And five minutes later, the mind takes over. But it's nice.

I would love to blog about another of his creations, the manga Nausicaa. Even the method of writing it is interesting in its own right.


Brainstorm

Still brainstorming for ideas. I guess I won't be calling it something on postmodernism. No, I'm not abandoning the project. Just that I feel that maybe the issue is not really postmodernism per se but maybe relativism. Yup, that is a more accurate description of what I'm really trying to say, relativism and it's effects culturally and also on the way people think.

Wah this sounds big and I might not even sound convincing given my training in mathematics and not philosophy or even soci. But what the heck, I just wanna shout and nobody online is going to stop me. Mwahahaha....

I getting corny like ham, so I better stop for now.

MSN 7.0

Monday, February 07, 2005
I use MSN 6.0 currently in my comp in singapore. But i'm considering upgrading it. My only reason is that 7.0 is still in BETA testing stage, so i'm not to sure about. But then what the heck...the nudge feature is pretty cute.

Just been to my grandparents place, and the main activity there was watching EPL highlights with my cousins, all who are at least 10 years younger than me. Just finished chatting with Ee Yin, hope that her mother will let her out on Saturday afternoon, really want to catch up with her. It's been a long time-notwithstanding that I don't usually stay long in M'sia, until she also complain already. Haha.

Been practising piano today until my left hand hurts like hell. Beethoven's 5th Piano Concerto is certainly no joke, and I played through it almost like three times back to back. Ouch, even my back still hurts caused mostly by bad posture. But I guess tomorrow won't have much time to practise, I forsee housework upon housework.

Aaah...somebody commented on my postmodern post ( pun? ) that's soo nice. But it wasn't a finished piece yet, still very much in the works. Still tying my thoughts together.

Back Home again...

Yes, i'm back home again and what a massive slowdown of pace it is. Can almost feel the difference straightaway. And since I'm going to spend one whole week here, hope that my burnt out engine can get an overhaul and new oil. Yeah!!

Several things I need to remind myself off.

1) We still haven't got a place for LPC. Contacted Jay to get the info about Temasek Hall. The pricing seems to be the biggest headache for now. Just hope that this will get done soon. And I think we need to have another discussion. Thinking of the agenda right now. Will probably have on Valentine's Day, since all of us are unattached.

2) STARDEEE!!! Yes, I am missing and important Field Theory lecture already. So better make for lost time. The problem is I just can't think while I'm back here.

3) Remember to visit KR CG and PGP CG. These are my targets for Feb.

Yup. That's all for now

Shoes and dust

Sunday, February 06, 2005
One last post before I head home for the Chinese New Year holidays. As Pastor said today, it is the time where parents increase their children's financial independance.

But relating to the title, shoes (and sandals) that I don't wear accumulate dust like mad. It's really icky come to think of it. I really wonder why people would accumulate shoes if their only going to sit there and collect dust.

Gong Hei Fatt Choy everyone.

After all this years...

After all this years of being a Christian, I finally come to the conclusion that I don't really know what it means to be a Christian. Expecially during my three years here, (or you could say that the faith I found in cyberspace just has a different " flavour" from the faith of my childhood and my secondary school years.

Never in my whole life have I found so much cynicism in Christianity as expounded in cyberspace. It's hip to be contrary, so it seems, to be contrary. Of course I don't mean that they are contrarians for the sake of being contrary, but sometimes the way the put things can be plain mean (and I am being influenced by it).

There is a characterization of Christianity in terms of it as a counter-cultural movement, a revolution. But it's difficult to see how this reconciles with Jesus characterization of those who will enter the kingdom of God cf " Unless you become like one of these (little children), you will never enter the Kingdom of God."

I see only confusion rife within the vocabulary of Christianity. Opinions, contrary and otherwise, nauncing, balance and "correctness". It is no surprise that dissatisfied people become drawn to the revolutionary stance.

As I partook of the Holy Communion today, I remembered the faith of my childhood and compared it to what I see around me today. I almost cried.

Where is the innoncence?

The Fat lady sings

One of the most interesting about snooping around other people's blogs is that you'll always stumble across some nice songs.

There's so many nice music that guys and gals out there append to their blogs that you could almost have a floating mp3 collection. Which reminds me that my mp3 collection is sorely out of date. Sigh, the problem lies in that I don't really get to the title of the song or the artist which is why I have problems tracking back the songs that I really find "right".

Never mind, as long as the fat lady sings, they'll be music in the world...

Dedikasi kepada kawan-kawan yang sentiasa bersamaku pada saat-saat keperluan

Saturday, February 05, 2005
Post ini ditujukan kepada May Yin, saudari dalam Yesus yang senantiasa memberi nasihat yang padu and berpatutan. Terima kasih saya ujakan kepadanya.

Yah, memang dalam saat-saat dimana saya memerlukan seorang untuk bersama saya, dia dengan relanya membuka hati and telinga untuk mendengar.

Selama tiga tahun saya berada di Singapura, dua insan ini telah menjadi kawan terapat saya. Mereka ialah saudara John and Mayyin. Diharap Tuhan memberkati kamu.

Diablo 2

Haha, blogging about my favourite game.

Had a few for this past years. Halo, Half-Life, the first Diablo, Starcraft, War2 and War3...who can forget waking up sneakily at the wee hours just to play without being disturbed by my parents.

But then the true fun in Diablo comes from the sheer addictiveness of the gameplay. You whack monster a**, get stuff and experience, which makes you more powerful, and in turn enables you to whack even more powerful monsters, which means you get more powerful stuff...and the cycle continues.

Everytime I level up, i get that intense satisfaction. But like anything else, you've got to play it for yourself to experience it.

God bless Bizzard North for making such great games.

The Old man and the Sea

That's by Ernst Hemmingway. Read it several years ago, standing in a bookstore somewhere in Petaling Street. When I picked it up and started reading, the language just leaped out and drew me into into the story.

No, I wasn't even trying to understand the deeper meaning behind the parable, it was the language that was so powerful. That is the power of a well written story. Hemmingway's talent is making the most mundane plot come to life. We sympathize with the Old man when we reaches home, his prize catch chewed away by sharks.

I wish I could write like Hemmingway, but what I fear is that my prize catch something that I strive so hard for-dissappoints.

When I started this blog, I didn't expect myself to post like a mad man. But the ideas just kept flowing, the words just needed to be written. I guess that's the power of the blog and what I always yearned to do. Write and write and write with the assurance that someone out there might drop by and take a short little look.

A Long walk

Friday, February 04, 2005
I haven't really gone for a walk for at least one whole week. Not that its really bugging me, but I should. At least for th excercise. Besides while I am walking, I can think about stuff. Even do some maths problems at the same time.

Walks usually last for about an hour or more. The route is the South Buona Vista road, Pasir Panjang stretch, and upto Heng Mui Keng Terrace and past PGP. It'll be just in time for dinner by the time I get back.

I usually walk alone, but I don't really fancy that. A very nice birthday present would be for some one to walk with. But everybody seems to be busy and I am the only one standing still.

The whole world's a blur, even their legs have outrun them.

I'll promise myself a walk tomorrow. And speaking off, i'll finish up my CZ homework so that I don't have to worry about it any longer.

Giving myself a break

Ha, managed to:

1) Finish writing out the scores

2)...
3)...

What that's all!! You lazy fellow!!

Give me a break man, I'll be starting on Field Theory soon. Must be because today is Friday, which is free for me. Ok, back to work.

Tsunami and the 'problem of evil' - Feb 4, 2005

Tsunami and the 'problem of evil' - Feb 4, 2005

This is a link to a readers letter to the Straitstimes. Good stuff, simple and deep. On another related matter, note to myself

5) Prepare for CG tonight. Genesis 6.

Things to do

Thursday, February 03, 2005
Today was partially productive, in my honest opinion. I did manage to unload plenty of cr*p into the toilet-oops i meant blog. And besides, got to know Jerome from my Field Theory class, who taught me how to do Qn 7 of Tut 2. Thanks man.

(note to self: If mx and nx, (m,n) = 1, then mn x).

And I roughly have the idea on how to solve Qn 9. But I'll just leave that for tomorrow.

Yeah, i know i played a little diablo 2. But that's ok-just to level up Morte the Necromancer, my favourite character so far.

Tomorrow i'll:

1) Do my field theory
2) Finish the printed reading material lying on my desk
3) Type out All Things Bright and Beautiful and Super Trooper into Noteworthy. There's another rehearsal for KE visit at 830.
4) Start on my CZ lab and homework.

If the sun is still shining when i finish those stuff, I'll think of what to do next.

Sigh...another day pass, and nothing seems to change. No big adventure looming on the horizon, Peter Pan seems to have a flu and Wendy all bored and sleepy.

Nothing but flowers

"23-923-29279-1541-53-122-21574-20999-1541-437-19-14-74-166-43-159941-671"

What does it say?

Nightmare!!

What a nightmare i had last night. Just picture this: I am driving with my mother in the front seat with me. She leans over and tells me, " Son, you need to get married soon, within the next six months."

!!!

Wahlau! " I haven't even got a girlfriend yet!"

I now know that dreams don't mean anything. God made us dream so that our mothers can nag us even when we're 400 kilometers away from home.

On the other hand, the cryptography puzzle at the bottome seems interesting. Why not give it a shot. Seems tough too.

The Day in history

Wednesday, February 02, 2005
1) Almost done with Field Theory, finishing off the last remaining bits of scrap.
2) Hopefully the venue for LPC settle. Good riddance, please!

How to celebrate?

Bring out the champagne. Drink and sleep and dream myself dancing with Christine on the Phantom of the Opera sets.

Dancing? No...I don't dance. No Kinesthetic Intelligence. That's why i suck at sport.

On another point, some strange thought came to me while thinking of what to blog. Why don't I write a little somthing about the Great Postmodern Dictum. Yeah...that'll be nice. But I'll need to gather my thought carefully. So no posts on that until i'm done. Stay tuned people.

(I really crave attention, I do...)

Everybody wants to be a CAt!

Hehe...remember the Cat and Dog theology by J Piper.

Just now the song " Everybody wants to be a Cat" was playing over my roommate's computer. Hallelujah! everybody, everybody wants to be a cat. *laughs micheveiously*

Don't remember that song? It's from the age old Disney animation "Aristocats". I love that cartoon.

And by the way, i totally agree with the song. I WANNA BE A CAT!! Everybody manja only.

Stretch

One post before heading out for lunch. I'll be rushing down my field theory before i head off for a five hour stretch.

Feeling that this lectures has a way of getting in the way of the things i like to do, for instance going down for Hall CG's and choir. After one night class, you don't really feel like doing anything else for the rest of the night.

But on a happier note, I finished off Discrete Opt and played some Diablo (wicked me :P ). No, i'll promise myself no more diablo until the weekends.

Hmm, just wish i had more time to spend with people that i really want to get to know. :: wink ;P ::

Spirited Away!!

I just love Hayao Mizaki ( is that how you spell his name). In fact I love his productions esp Princess Mononoke and Spirited Away. Right now, Spirited OST is playing over my comp, just as it was last night. The music was by Joe Hishiahi (is that really how you spell his name?).

Rousing stuff. I guess what makes great animations is that the characters are easy to identify with. I get drawn into the world because the Chihiro (Sen) is somebody worth caring about. I like the Man-Spider too. And also the silent shadow-creature. These elements draw me into the detailed world. And since there so much detail in each animation cell, my eyes don't get bored. So many things to discover.

It just like another manga by Katsuhiro Otomo, Akira. The sense of adventure, urgency and mystery just engages. Each frame is incredibly detailed, inviting you to discover and linger longer on each page before turning to the next. Nobody reads Akira in one single setting, the artwork is simply stunning.

I would love to post a pic from the manga, but i better not do so..why not get it for yourself ;)

I wish Spirited Away would never end, that the story would just continue. There's so much to discover, one can never get bored.

Hehe...did I just say something significant?

2 out of 3

Tuesday, February 01, 2005
I managed two out of three things i set out to do today...Pretty good already lah.

Don't think i'll even attempt my field theory tonight, i'm just to tired. Dunno what's wrong with me, always carrying a heavy heart around. Sigh. One night's rest should cure it.

Am I addicted to blogging? While at class just now, couldn't wait to even get back to satisfy my itchy fingers. Bah, like a small boy with a new toy. Added the headlines add-on. No, i am not addicted to blogging, i'm just...i'm just. Hish.

I wonder what i'm going to write about tomorrow. Can one ever run dry of ideas, anecdotes and plain common sense. Not when I still have some air circulating around my brain. No, I don't think i'll ever run out of rubbish to post. Hehe.

As you can see that's a picture of a warcraft3 version of a necromancer on my profile photo. That's what I feel like sometimes: The perfect antihero, a castout...

...an uncoloured pencil sketch.

Depth and Simplicity

There's a deceptive simplicity to deep stuff.

Especially in mathematics. A lot of people, (laymen) think that maths is just plain Greek and hopelessly full of jargon and technical quibbles. But that's not always the case. Some of the most deep and important truths in maths are also the most simply stated and easily understood ones. In fact, much of what we study as a math student are remarkably simple.

The eight tone scale on the piano is simple enough. Who could have thought that Chopin, Mozart and Beethoven (those are my fave composers by the way) could come up with such music, or the smoothest jazz, or that catchy tune that you found just so "right".

The water cycle is simple enough, any kid could understand why it rains. But it is because of clouds that we get such unpredictable weather patterns. Water it seems, is more powerful than fire...

Words, some words are simple enough, simply stated. But somehow they seem to carry more meaning than thought otherwise.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not selfseeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

I'm sure there more to that passage that a mere definition of the act love.

Depth is seems is always hidden away by simple parables-something to think about?

Animal behaviour

I treat myself like a donkey sometimes. That might be the reason i treat others like donkeys. People associate Donkey's with slowness, "blurness", dumb...

I noe I shouldn't be thinking of other people like that (I mean it's ok to call myself Donkey, but it's definately not right to treat others like donkey's as well.) But I can't help it, it really really tough not to think that way, I can't help but wonder why I treat other people like Donkey's. Maybe you (those that know me) wouldn't realize it but i do. I have that mean streak in me, that superior streak, that patronizing streak...I am a really stubborn ass, a true blue Donkey.

I wish that could change...


Me!! Posted by Hello

But there's another part of the donkey that I really admire: His innoncence.

Innocence is missing somehow from things...I miss the innocence of primary, secondary school, F6, childhood. Of course i not talking about being blameless, but i do mean innoncence in the sense of childlike innoncence: where the world is a wonder to behold cynical attitudes are far far away. Sometimes I equate innoncence with naivete. But that need not be so, these two can be logically separate-one need not imply the other.

But most of all, I wish for innoncence in boy-girl relations...

Yeah i'm a romantic deep deep inside, but just havn't got the chance to express it out yet. (Those who know me would know what i'm talking about). I feel there is no true romance, because there is no longer an innoncence in boy-girl relations.

Imagine just holding her hand and staring deep inside her eyes, just to pass the minutes...

or

A simple touch on the shoulder to show that you really care...

Where there is innoncence, i guess care and concern come almost naturally, romance is not forced and ... hmm...all's well with the world?

Ok, ok..i'm blushing already. Better stop now...

Note to self

1) Graph Theory in the afternoon
2) Field Theory at night
3) Call Franklin to ask him about KR for LPC

Again, absolutely no Diablo 2 until after midnight...



Bad me...

Well, i didn't actually finish all that i set out to do...me bad.

1) I did talk to the 'Hall Plant'...but the info got was just as good if i didn't bother. So now it looks like I have to go all the way down to KR to get the pricing for rooms. I hate this, really really hate this. If only 'Hall Plant' was a little nicer to people...haizz...

2) I merely touched a little of my Graph Theory and Field Theory Tuts... doesn't count. Terrible...I mean, it's so difficult that the lazy side of me just procrastinates.

3) Diff Geom is almost done...eee...almost done but could have been better. To tired to continue, since that it's soo late...

I bumped into Prof Koh during lunch hour. That guy really knows his students! I really felt honoured even just returning his greeting. That is one lecturer i really admire...wierd huh. An undergrad admiring his lecturer. If you guys have took MA3233 you would understand.

The rest of the day went downhill from there. I lost my tactfullness during exco meeting. Sien...just felt shitty the whole time. Couldn't even gather my thoughts into a coherent whole. Yes, I need, really to be a little nicer. Brian if you're reading this (doubt that you would but who knows) really sorry abt just now.

I fullfilled my promise..hehe...no diablo 2 today. Since if after midnight, it wouldn't be breaking that promise to play a little heh..esp after chatting with my brother about how Necromancer's Teeth spell is more powerful than initially thought...

This post really makes me feel shallow...but the best is yet to come. :)